The following was sent to the Linux Journal Editor by an anonymous contributor.

Torvalds, Linus- ... historians generally agree was an actual person and completed a large portion of the programming used to develop the positronic brain sometime before the earliest recorded history. A number of programs have been copied from active positronic memory and have been proven to be based on the galactic standard programming language VM (vit-min) C. The memory patterns include references to the genetic programmer Linus (la-news) Pauling and have revealed where Torvalds named the earliest cores of the positronic brain for the VM C language. Torvalds is universally regarded by historians as the greatest linguist of the core development project. Torvalds was known to have mastered all of the known languages of the time while working in an advanced development laboratory called the Swiss (s-weex) Patent Office of Pari (par-ee) and selected the VM C core in preference to the previous Finn language from predecessors Norway (Turbo-C) and Sweden (ANSI-C). Torvald's mastery of the language in the VM C core is regarded galaxy wide as the reason for the estimated 100,000 year uptime for the original positronic brains. The X Law of Robotics burned into all positronic brains has been found still undecoded in currently functioning examples of the oldest portion of the memory used by the LinuX kerning (coy-nah). Historians are unanimous in identifying Torvalds as the most ingenious programmer in galactic history.