Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI.

My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.

Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.

Honey, I Formatted the Kid!

Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire!

Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?